Why after a traumatic birth and NICU stay would I want to go back over it all, write about it and share it on a blog?
"Move on!" Surely you must want to "put it all behind you?" they say.
Well, the truth is, things like this stay with you. Of course, people cope in different ways and I have heard of NICU parents who have deleted all of their NICU photos and cannot set foot in the Neonatal unit again. Forgetting - as a kind of coping strategy. There's no right or wrong way. Most people though, in some way, try and process their experience and trauma.
I guess, to some degree, this is part of my processing. The NICU experience is a part of who I am, it's a part of who Baby T is. It's a part of our family's story. But more than that, if that story, that experience can help others during their difficult days, then that helps me feel that something good has come from what we've been through.
It's not about dwelling on the past, or looking for sympathy. Nor is it about letting the experience define you. It's about using that experience and hoping others can benefit. Whether that's by realising that others have felt similar, or simply helping others feel understood. If it helps to create even the smallest community of like-minded NICU parents, ready to support each other, then I'll be happy.
I have another motivation though. When I gave birth prematurely not only was I totally unprepared for the NICU experience, I was also unprepared for other people's reactions. More often than not any insensitivity was unintentional but I lost count of the number of times people made really hurtful comments. Things like, "at least you escaped being pregnant during the hottest part of the Summer", and "I bet your pelvic floor is glad you didn't go to full term". And many others. All completely ignoring the intense pain and shock I'd just been through. Even the lack of understanding about prematurity was astonishing; a sense that a premature baby was just a smaller baby who needed time to grow. The fact that my baby couldn't breathe unaided seemed irrelevant to people; the fact that he was a "good size" surely meant he'd be home soon!
Maybe I have unrealistic expectations but if I can in any way create a platform to help raise awareness about the NICU experience so that NICU parents can be treated with the sensitivity and understanding they deserve then I'll feel that something good has come from this.
I've got lots of ideas, and can't wait to get started. I'd love to hear from you, and find out more about your story, so please get in touch. Let me know what would help, and do come and join the conversation on Instagram @nicu_ology
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