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Writer's pictureCaroline

DEAR NHS, I APPLAUD YOU

We've clapped every Thursday through lockdown for our NHS heroes and carers. We did an NHS big birthday clap. And every time I find myself welling up, feeling just a little bit overwhelmed.


Of course, I have clapped out of gratitude for each and every NHS worker who has found themselves on the frontline during this pandemic, fighting for our health and safety during these unprecedented times. Following a week in hospital with Baby T at the beginning of this pandemic I've seen the reality, and it isn't pretty.


But every clap I've made has a deeper, personal resonance. Even before this pandemic, I only too acutely came to realise that the care, support and love of those NHS heroes, saved my baby's life when my waters broke at 32 weeks and he was born a week later.


So here's my thank you to them....


Thank you...


To the midwife on labour-suite back in Yorkshire who took the call from me at 1am when my waters had broken whilst we were holidaying in Norfolk. You calmly told me what to do, found details of the nearest hospital and told me it would be ok. I felt stupid calling you so far away, but I was scared and you were there at the end of the phone. Thank you.


To the midwives on labour suite in Kings Lynn Hospital who welcomed me and cared for me when I felt at my most vulnerable, in a hospital I didn't know. Who let my other children visit before they had to travel back home to Yorkshire without me. Who gave them biscuits for the journey when they were sobbing at the door. Who told me it was ok to cry. Who reassured me and sat with me when my husband had to leave to do the 6 hour journey to take my children home.


To the healthcare worker who brought me some toiletries and magazines (that she'd bought for her elderly mother but said I could borrow first) because I had nothing with me. Thank you; the kindness in that gesture, when I was all alone and scared, meant everything to me.


To the midwife who came with me to the scan to determine the health of the baby. You'll never know what your presence in that room, alongside me, meant. I felt just that little bit less alone. Thank you for your support.


To the team of consultants and doctors at Kings Lynn who were honest but reassuring; who formulated a care plan and understood how important it was to me to try and get back to Yorkshire before navigating a delivery and neonatal stay. Thank you; your understanding and holistic care made me feel understood and cared for.


To the midwife who greeted us after an overnight transfer from Kings Lynn back to Yorkshire. You will never know how pleased I was to be received into your care, back close to my other children and support network. Thank you for taking the time to sit with me, and to let me sleep before transferring me up to the ward.


To the team of consultants, doctors and midwives who managed my care back in Yorkshire. For letting me have my children visit, for letting me have days back at home. It allowed me to try and have at least a few days of normality before our neonatal journey started.


To the midwife who saw me in the community the morning of Baby T's delivery. Thank you for your cautious approach, for sending me into hospital "just to be sure". I never imaged hours later we'd have needed to deliver him so quickly but the outcome could have been so different if we hadn't. Thank you.


To the doctor and midwife in MAC who got soaked in amnoiotic fluid when you examined me (it seems your body can keep creating fluid even after PROM!). I can only apologise! And thank you for sending me straight to labour suite where I needed to be. And for telling me I should probably call my husband to come back from work. I was so convinced I'd be sent home again, he may well have missed it all if I was left to my own devices! Thank you for your calmness and kindness.


To the matron on labour suite who prepped me for theatre, who stayed with me, who prioritised my care. Who explained that my head wasn't actually going to explode once they pushed through the magnesium sulphate drips, even though I was convinced it would! Who had to break the news to me that NICU had no beds and Baby T was likely to be transferred out. Thank you for letting me cry, for seeing me so scared but somehow making me feel reassured in the knowledge that you were doing everything you possibly could.


To the anaesthetist for rushing in to prep me but then, despite the urgency, recognising that I needed a minute alone. Thank you for giving me those few seconds of breathing space in the midst of the chaos. And thank you, thank you, thank you for being the one at my side through the operation. For calming me, for reassuring me, for keeping me physically safe when I was experiencing fear like I've never felt before.


To the consulantant who operated. Thank you for making the call to rush me into theatre. Thank you for chasing the blood results and identifying there was a bad infection. Thank you for getting Baby T out so quickly. For your no-nonsense, honest approach. I owe you everything. Thank you.


To the paediatric team who were there to receive Baby T in theatre. What can I say? Knowing you were quietly waiting, out of sight until needed gave me so much comfort. And ultimately, you saved my baby's life. I will never ever find the words to express the depths of gratitude I hold for you. Thank you.


To the NICU nurse charged with Baby T's first night of care. You cared for him during those first critical hours. You held him before I did. You spoke to him before I did. You sat beside his incubator when I should have been beside him. And you delivered that care with love. For that, I can't thank you enough. Your calming, quiet, gentle voice as you welcomed me in the middle of the night, to meet my son for the first time, will remain in my memory forever. I trusted you completely. Thank you not just for your professionalism and skill, but for making me feel like mum, for reminding me to trust my instincts, for telling me time and time again, that he was mine.


To the midwife on the postnatal ward who sat with me on my discharge day. Who knew how hard it was. Who told me to take my time. Who made sure I could have my room for as long as I needed it, so that I didn't feel rushed. You gave me that space, that dignity - thank you.


To the nurse who looked after Baby T on the night I was discharged, having to leave my baby behind. Thank you for telling me it was ok to cry. That walking out would be one of the hardest things I would need to do. That I could call at any time. Thank you for letting me just turn away and walk out without a goodbye because the tears were flowing down my face. Knowing you were there with my baby made that walk just a little bit more bearable. Thank you.


To the neonatal senior nurse. Thank you for doing everything you possibly could to make sure we could stay and Baby T didn't need a transfer. I will be forever grateful that I didn't have to go through additional stress and, that my other children could visit every day. Thank you for running a family inclusive unit, for talking to me about mental health and the impact of a NICU stay. I'm convinced that those conversations made me recognise when I needed help and helped me recognise that my feelings were valid. Thank you for your care and companionship.


To the NICU team of nurses. You are truly superheroes. Thank you for caring for my baby; for feeding him in the night when I wasn't there. For including my other children in his care; for making us all feel welcome. Thank you for understanding how difficult it was for us all. For the times you put a hand on my shoulder, asked me if I was ok, gave me a hug. For the times you laughed with me, or sat with me when I was on the brink of tear For giving me space. For the reassuring words you gave me when I called. Thank you to all of you.


So, to each and everyone of you, THANK YOU! I know you were all just doing your job, but your day's work made a life-long impact on me and my family. Not only the care you delivered, but the manner in which it was delivered. You made a difficult time more bearable. And ultimately, it is because of you all that I sit writing this, watching a happy, healthy 10 month old play next to me. I will never be able to repay you for that. From the bottom of my heart I thank you and, whether I'm stood at my front door or not, I'll always applaud your work, and what you did for my family.


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